We’ve almost made it to the end of another productive school year, and none too soon. Thank you for your hard work in transforming the children of oppressor, bigoted parents into progressive, enlightened, gender-aware young people ready to follow our lead to true Equity and Inclusion in America. You’ve done a great job, despite sometimes difficult interference, and a lot of unwanted scrutiny.
Hopefully the current crop of Seniors will graduate without either them or their parents voicing any issues with our mission or our methods. These parents, particularly the ones with white-oppressor sons, should be very grateful that we helped get most of them into halfway decent schools—without us, where would their boys be?
If any of the parents make any ungrateful remarks after their kids are gone, we’ll still of course know their friends and relatives with kids in school, and we know where they work. Since most large employers now share our vision for a better America, we’re learning to work together to cull out the jobs of anyone with bigoted ideas—anyone who attacks our school.
But we’re going through a momentarily difficult patch, and I need your help.
Can you believe that a few of the remaining traditional families have stirred up so much controversy with their lying, thieving website that even some Board members and large donors are starting to question the motives for the important work we do?
And they’re apparently even talking about us down at that two-bit barber shop, where the few remaining conservatives hang out, as if we cared.
It probably wasn’t best when our school administrator found students who had just turned eighteen and encouraged them to vote for the candidates we all knew to be the best. Her/his/their intentions were good, but it looks to some with small minds like we violated IRS rules for non-profits. Ridiculous. There’s even a lawsuit, but I’m sure it’ll blow over.
And we need a large number of new faculty members this fall, because so many of our experienced teachers are leaving. Please help us maintain “Christian School” appearances while we go through the hiring process. Actually, when you think about it, with our hand-picked headhunters and consultants in place, I’m sure the next crop of teachers will be even younger and totally committed to the truths of Progressive Education. So, it’s just a minor blip, and we’re expecting a great group of new, on-mission teachers to more than fill in the gaps.
The bottom line: Chill for the next few weeks in the classroom and on social media. Don’t give them any more exaggerated examples to complain about. Then we’ll flush out another class with too many traditional-values families, add more progressive faculty and students in the fall, and keep transforming these children into the unquestioning followers we know are so important for the nation’s future under our enlightened leadership.
The obvious truths of Diversity, Equity and Inclusion now run almost every aspect of our nation, from Boardrooms to the Pentagon, thanks in large part to your hard work. Thank you.